Lalu Yadav to George Bush
Dear President Bush,
On Tuesday last a large group of protestors outside the Parliament were shouting out your name and they were saying “Cowherd! Cowherd!”
I felt a great deal of attachment for you—I realized you were from my caste. And therefore we were brothers. But it was too good to be true. A press fellow explained to me that the agitators were calling you “Coward! Coward!” which means something else.
Arre, who cares for these things? I have heard that you have a ranch, which means that you also own cattle. Cows, buffaloes? Please tell me whether this at least is true or not.
I am the Railways Minister of India. When you come to India, please insist on travel by train. You will be able to see more of the country than it will be possible by air. You can also drink tea from a kulhar.
Arre, if you had encouraged rail travel in America, the bad men on September 11 would have only captured two or three trains—and the Twin Towers would still have been standing.
Anyway, no use talking about the past. No use crying over milk that has been spilt and the black billi has already licked.
I hope you are coming with family. I would like to meet Lauraji. See, I have an idea. I know it is a fact that you are enjoying low popularity rate in your country. No problem. You should do what I did. Make Lauraji the President of your country and then just luto the mazaa…
I am talking very frankly with you. Please do the same with me.
Have you heard my name linked with the fodder scam? It is mostly true. Actually, I made more money than it is alleged. My intention is not to boast. I have your good in my heart. Tell me, if you wanted money or if Cheneyji’s company Haliburton wanted money, why did you need to go and invade another country? You should have just invented a fodder scam!
Arre bhai, suppose you needed badla from Saddam for how he had misbehaved with your father, and you wanted to take revenge by shifting all the oil from Iraq to Texas, still—instead of destroying the whole country why did you not do what we do in Bihar, just kidnap the person who will pay you the desired amount?
You could have done apaharan of Saddam Hussein, and if you needed help I would have sent my own brother-in-law. Absolutely no need to kill lakhs of people.
Believe me, as a person who is anti-communal, I have always liked Saddam. He is anti-communal too. He named his bigger son Uday.
Anyway, you come we will talk about all these things in detail. Kindly come to Bihar. It is now unfortunately owned by another fellow, but I can still show you the sights. If you don’t like Governor House, you can stay at Beur Jail. Believe me, it is more comfortable.
Yours truly,
Lalu Prasad Yadav
P.S. You people have been outsourcing in Bangalore, but why not Bihar? Our roads are even worse than those in Bangalore.
ha ha!! Excellent.
Comment by Sunny — February 26, 2006 @ 7:55 pm
hi amitava. this is hilarious! it is so nice to see you on the blogosphere. also love the pictures you post.
best,
shikha
Comment by shikha malaviya — February 27, 2006 @ 2:18 am
Bahut phunny hai! Maza aa gaya! Hope to see more stuff like this from you):
jai ho!
Comment by Zafar Anjum — February 27, 2006 @ 4:25 am
Hi Amitav, this one is totally *kitna ghatiya hai*. this one is unexpected from your kind of people. even there are more good jokes on Lalu, like Lalu and clinton etc… but this seems worst of all.
Comment by iqubal — February 27, 2006 @ 6:17 am
To be fair, Lalu is no more the same Lalu. he has amazingly been as fine a Railway Minister as any other, probably better. And there are far too many netas doing scams, i wonder why Lalu gets picked on for the fodder scam all the time?
Comment by Shivam Vij — February 27, 2006 @ 12:30 pm
A funny post this
Though must agree with Shivam that he has been doing populist work with the Indian Railways
Comment by aparna — February 27, 2006 @ 1:20 pm
Hi Amitava
Funny post, though the punch was not quite there. First time on your blog, I never even knew you blogged, will go through your posts now.
regards
Comment by confused — February 27, 2006 @ 3:09 pm
Absolutely brilliant! The piece accompanied my evening chai very well. Thanks Amitava.
Comment by Vikash Singh — February 27, 2006 @ 6:39 pm
a gud attempt, i must say. If the comments had flow in the same way as Laloo babbles it would have been gr8…!!!!!wondering who will give tough competition to our Laloo the comedian
Comment by rhythm — February 28, 2006 @ 4:39 am
Pathetic. THE JOKE BUILD UP ALL QUIET AMATEURISH. why screw up ones reputationthis way.
regards/divakar
Comment by divakar — February 28, 2006 @ 4:52 am
Update/Art Advisory: “Disappeared”
A note on the tipline from desi academic extraordinaire Amitava Kumar reminds us of Disappeared in America, an ongoing multimedia project that began by documenting the round-up of immigrants in the post-9/11 hysteria and has now expanded into a web of …
Trackback by Sepia Mutiny — February 28, 2006 @ 4:14 pm
Amitava,
Just found out that you blog - will definitely be back. Just wanted to say that this particular post is fantastic!
Cheers,
Shikha
Comment by Shikha — March 1, 2006 @ 7:49 am
really funny. Bush should follow laluji to be Bushji.
Comment by arnab — March 8, 2006 @ 12:27 pm
Amitava
great composition.Very impressed with Lalu’s sensible advice to Bush.Look forward to reading his letter to Saddam in jail.
March 25, 2006
Comment by mahadevan — March 25, 2006 @ 2:19 am
simply funny…………..
keep going
see u ssooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Comment by Alok — May 21, 2007 @ 7:49 am
cool man!!!liked ur way of bringing facts n truths in a comedic manner………………keep writing!!!gudluck[:)]
Comment by Akshita surana — May 29, 2007 @ 1:48 am
You are great man of Indian politics.
I hope that you will also a become of our primeministor of our country.
God bless you!
Comment by vind — October 24, 2007 @ 6:14 am
I am taking the liberty of writing to your Hon’ble self directly,to bring to your kind notice the sickness governing our Political System.
You must be aware of the fact that once our country was called “sone Ki Chiriya”,to plunder our country came invaders from almost all parts of the globe,The Moughals settled to rule,a dynasty that ruled our country for centuries,sensing a rich harvest with a weak ruler came the British,again ruled our country,After the British left our country, we are being plundered once again by a new breed of invaders called the politicians,they too have established strong roots in our country to plunder it to their satisfaction.
Every politician claims that till his last drop of blood he will serve the nation,but his own blood never serves the nation,has have you ever heard that the son/daughter of some politician has joined the armed forces,no the kith and kin of politicians never like to shed their blood for the nation,but they suck the blood of the nation,you will find that the kith and kin of the politicians either become businessmen/businesswoman or follow the footsteps of their father or mother.Its for the common man to serve the nation,I had tears in my eyes when once I read in a army camp”FOR YOUR TOMMORROW WE GAVE OUR TODAY”,The supreme sacrifice of life.
Since there is a retiring age for all Government Servants their heads should also retire when reaching that age.The politicians should allowed only two elections in their life time,their retirement or two elections which ever comes first.In our country a politician wants to contest elections till his last breath.
The mother of all eveils is the State Elections /the Government formed in a state to rule, does the Government machinery collapse when the Central Government imposes Presidents Rule in some states, no it never does rather the working of the Government Officials improves during that period.There should be a competent Governor in a state to oversee the matters of the state with the help of competent officials.
The age to contest Parliament elections be raised to 35 yrs,let all citizens serve the armed forces for a minimum period of 10 yrs after their graduation.Graduates should only be allowed to contest Parliament elections.
The kith and kin of a politician be barred to contest election till his father or mother is contesting or is Member Parliament,Minimum period of 5yrs gap should be there,before for making him or her eligible.
Like MISA,COFEPOSA,POTA etc.Stringent Law should be enacted to punish corrupt Member’s of Parliament or Ministers,misusing their post for selfish gains.
Now comes a very important question ‘What will a politician do after his retirement”-Politician then will serve the Party-the People-the Nation.
With a population of over one Billion people I am sure we will have better people to serve the Nation in all respects.
Gurdeep bagga
citizen of India
Comment by GURDEEP BAGGA — June 11, 2008 @ 3:51 am